If you have been having problems with your girlfriend or wife, then you most likely are looking for advice. However, a lot of advice seems to be geared toward women, and while that’s all fine and dandy, what you really need is advice on healing relationships for guys. Even the word “healing” may sound a bit feminine to the ears of most men, but it conveys a sense of making things better on an ongoing basis. In other words, it’s a process and not a miracle cure that happens overnight.
A good start to the healing process is to sincerely apologize for any wrong things you may have done. But you need to be careful here because just saying “sorry” isn’t enough for most women. That’s too general. What you need to do is take some time to really think about things and what you did that was wrong, the more specific you are, the better. Saying exactly what you are sorry for and why you are sorry will work wonders when trying to heal a relationship, but that’s only the beginning.
A sincere apology is kind of like getting your foot in the door. The next step is to have a conversation about your relationship. “We have to talk” are words that every guy dreads, but if you are the one initiating the conversation, then it’s not so bad. If you really love her, and are willing to do whatever it takes, then a nice, long talk is what you need to do next.
Just as there is a right way to apologize, there is a right way to talk to each other. In fact, the real secret of talking isn’t how well you talk, it’s how well you listen. Listening is not the same as hearing. Listening is not thinking about what you will say when it’s your turn to talk. Listening is about paying attention to what she’s saying, and then making sure you completely understand what she said before you respond to it.
You will notice that there is one thing absent from all of this advice on healing relationships for guys: the idea of hiding your feelings. Most guys grow up learning how to suppress their feelings; this is either done directly or indirectly, but the result is that guys often have a difficult time expressing their feelings. This can be a very hard thing to unlearn, but it has to be done if you want to fix your relationship.
Most guys like to fix problems on their own, but there are times when you need to get help from outside sources. What we’re talking about is seeing a relationship counselor. Remember that counselors are trained in giving advice on healing relationships for guys, so seeing one can help you to work things out between you and your partner. If you don’t want to see a counselor, then you can always find other resources to help, such as books, articles, or websites.
About Emily HintzemEmily specializes in individual and couples therapy and relationship and dating advice.
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