All relationships go through phases, but not all of those phases are good. While Hollywood may like to display images of perfectly happy couples that live happily ever after, the truth is that people aren’t perfect, and that means that relationships (which are comprised of imperfect people) aren’t perfect either. In fact, if you believe your relationship is perfect, then you need self help for relationships more than anybody else.
The idea of “self help” may seem like it’s contradictory. After all, if you need help, then it makes sense that you can’t do it yourself. The truth is that self help for relationships is about giving you the tools, techniques and resources so you can fix things on your own.
Taking an objective look at your relationship is the first step. Granted, doing this can be quite difficult when you are so invested in it emotionally. One technique that may help is to ask yourself what advice you would give to a friend if they were in the exact same type of relationship. Doing this allows you to see things from a wider point of view, and can help you to improve your relationship.
Self help for relationships isn’t all about what you can do on your own; after all, you do have a partner. Perhaps the biggest part of having a better relationship is learning how to communicate better. Listening is the quickest way to better communication. It’s important to notice that there is a big difference between hearing and listening. Hearing is being aware that the other person is talking, but only thinking about what you will say when it’s your turn to talk. Listening is an active process where you focus on what the other person is saying, and seeking to understand what they mean. Only after you have listened and understood do you respond.
Everything will be much easier once you get the hang of listening; however, there are still things to be done. Taking each other for granted is damaging to any relationship, but it’s not always easy to spot. By definition, taking someone for granted is not a purposeful activity. If you are the one being taken for granted, then you can find some comfort in knowing that your partner isn’t doing it intentionally. The cure for this problem is learning to respect each other.
Effective communication and respect go hand-in-hand with tact and honesty. It’s fair to say that all successful relationships are built on a solid foundation of honesty. Telling the truth can be a tricky proposition when you have to say something unpleasant, and that’s where tact comes in. in other words, you should never use honesty as an excuse for rudeness, but you shouldn’t lie either.
Self help for relationships really is possible. It will be a journey of discovery, but it will be a happy journey. Virtually any relationship can be saved if you are willing to do whatever it takes. Remember, you need to take the first step if you want to have a satisfying relationship.
About Emily HintzemEmily specializes in individual and couples therapy and relationship and dating advice.
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